Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere

Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)

Fear and gloom and darkness but
no one found out YOU KNOW WHAT

You're a period cook, its true
ask the beetles in the stew

Now your jail-bait days are done
let's go out and have some fun!

You must marry very soon
baby's due the next full moon

Were I sitting in your shoes,
I'd go out and sing the blues

Tho you're turning 29
age to you is like fine wine

Now you've lived another year
age to you is like stale beer

Long ago your hair turned grey
now it's falling out, they say

It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year

See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace

Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et

This one lesson you must learn
FIRST you pillage, THEN you burn

While you eat your birthday stew
We will sack a town for you

Death will come before the dawn
Now's the time to party on!

People starving on the earth,
Go ahead, eat your dessert,

Rape the horses while they sleep,
See the women wail and weep

Now you've lived another year,
And your death is drawing near.

News that fills our hearts with
fear: They've proved cancer's caused by beer,

When you've reached your age You Know
That the mind is first to go

Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far

May the candles on your cake
burn like cities in your wake

Burn the Castle and storm the keep
Kill the Women but SAVE THE SHEEP!

May your deeds with sheep and yaks
equal those with sword and axe

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you

They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse

So you're 29 again
don't tell lies to your good friends

So another year has passed
don't look now they're gaining fast!

Black Death has just struck your town
you yourself feel quite run-down

We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!

So far death you have bypassed
Don't look back it's gaining fast

I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me

Burn, then rape by firelight
Add -romance- to life tonight!

Birthdays come but once a year,
Marking time as Death draws near

Now you've lived another year,
And your death is drawing near.

Raise your cup of bitter cheer,
Make the barman eat his ear

Now your hairs are turning grey,
Soon they all will fall away.

Like the wrinkles in old lace
Time is etched upon your face

Famine, fear, and fire and flood
Can't keep your face out of the mud