The College of St Crispin

Our College History

as Told by Nathaniel of Mordenvale

My Lords, my ladies, and all those in between such as Rapier and Light Combatants. I stand before you to tell you the tale of how St. Crispin's was born. When one thinks of St. Crispin's one thinks of the Grogs. When one thinks of the Grogs one thinks of Beer and Gaff Tape, when one thinks of Beer and Gaff tape one thinks of half-assed solutions and when one thinks of half-assed solutions one thinks of university students, so the cycle is there.

I start this tale during a great battle, when the hardened Grogs fought the evil House Attica for control of another Tavern. One section of Grogs came to bear upon them, and their ...snarling, evil creature... Sergeant told them to Charge. So charge they did. Unfortunately at that point a stray arrow killed the Sergeant and so, there was no one to tell these Grogs to stop charging. So they charged, for seven long years did they charge. They charged over hill and dale, charged into barns, trees and taverns.

Until finally they entered into what appeared to be a ghost town. Little did they know that this was what would become Newcastle University, and a vicious beast had over run it. A snarling, evil creature with the head of a horse... and the body of a fish.

When they discovered this, the Grogs set out to hunt this vile demon, but could not find him. The creature however, knew where they were by their constant singing of Joms Viking, Town and managed to slither into the room beneath them.

When the Grogs arrived at the line "This is my Head Stomper" they sent themselves plunging through the floor, startling the beast. And so, the battle began, claws and rattan flew through the air until finally, the demon let out a great cry of "Good" and fell to the ground.

These are the Crispies of 2001.

After this, the Grogs became the Masters of the University.

It wasn't long until something happened. One of the younger Grogs did something no Grog should ever do. He took initiative. Kneeling before the roaring ocean he cried to the heavens and the only Master he knew for help.

"Ragnar!" he did cry, "What is we s'posed to do? The teachers they tries to teach us to count 'n' stuff but we can't get past 3 before charging 'em down. Sure it 'as pubs, at least one of 'em, but there must be more to it all."

And so the message was sent spinning via the Astral Network to the great Burger King atop the highest mountain of all, to the great Sir Ragnar. And he did ...he did spawn a Dark Lord... hear this message and slapped his forehead and told them he was busy.

This redirected the message down, down, down to the fieriest pits of hell, where Satan himself answered the call. Seeing a way to use this to his advantage for evil, he did spawn a Dark Lord, emblazoned upon his tabard the very creature that held the University before, and on his shield the great serpent and half moon.

And the Dark Lord Balthazar did rise to humanity, took the University and began to forge his own Dark Army, which stands before you today as the College of St. Crispin.

My Lords and Ladies, I thank you.

Based on a True Story.