By William Shakespeare, c.1600
Expurgated by Alistair Ramsden and Braddon Giles 2004
(Estimated at 75 minutes duration)
Dramatis Personae
DON PEDRO,
Prince of Aragon (Alistair)
DONNA JOANNA,
bastard sister to Don Pedro (Robyn)
LEONATO, Lord
of Messina (Giles)
CLAUDIO, a
Lord of Florence, in service to Don Pedro (Steve)
BENEDICK, a
Lord of Padua, in service to Don Pedro (Paul)
BORACHIO, in service to to DONNA JOANNA (Torum)
ABBESS
FRANCIS, in service to Leonato (Morde)
HERO, daughter
to Leonato (Wendy)
BEATRICE,
niece to Leonato (Toni)
MARGARET, in
service to Hero (Leisel)
URSULA, in
service to Beatrice (Dawn)
ACT I. SCENE I. LEONATO’S house.
Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE
LEONATO
(Reading from
a letter)
I learn in
this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon
comes this
night to Messina.
I find here
that Don Pedro hath
bestowed much
honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.
He hath an
uncle here in Messina will be very much
glad of it.
BEATRICE
I pray you is
Signior Mountanto returned from the
wars or no?
LEONATO
What is he
that you ask for, niece?
HERO
My cousin
means Signior Benedick of Padua, father.
LEONATO
O, he’s
returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.
BEATRICE
He set up his
bills here in Messina and challenged
Cupid at the
flight; and my uncle’s fool, reading
the challenge,
subscribed for Cupid, and challenged
him at the
bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he
killed and
eaten in these wars? But how many hath
he killed? For
indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.
LEONATO
Faith, niece,
you tax Signior Benedick too much;
but he’ll be
meet with you, I doubt it not.
Apparently he
hath done good service in these wars.
BEATRICE
You had musty
victual, and he hath holp to eat it:
he is a very
valiant trencherman; he hath an
excellent
stomach.
LEONATO
There is a
kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and you:
You never meet
but there’s a skirmish of wit.
BEATRICE
Alas! he gets
nothing by that. In our last
conflict four
of his five wits went halting off.
And who is his
companion now?
He hath every
month a new sworn brother.
LEONATO
Is’t possible?
BEATRICE
Very easily
possible: he wears his faith but as
the fashion of
his hat; it ever changes with the
next block.
LEONATO
Niece, the
gentleman is not in your books.
BEATRICE
No; an he
were, I would burn my study. But, I pray
you, who is
his companion? Is there no young
squarer now
that will make a voyage with him to the devil?
LEONATO
(reading from
the letter)
He is most in
the company of the right noble Claudio.
BEATRICE
O Lord, he
will hang upon him like a disease: he
is sooner
caught than the pestilence, and the taker
runs presently
mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
he have caught
the Benedick, it will cost him a
thousand pound
ere a’ be cured.
Enter MARGARET and URSULA
LEONATO
You will never
run mad, niece.
BEATRICE
No, not till a
hot January.
Enter DON PEDRO, DONNA JOANNA, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK
and BORACHIO
DON PEDRO
Good Signior
Leonato, you are come to meet your
trouble: the
fashion of the world is to avoid
cost, and you
encounter it.
LEONATO
Never came
trouble to my house in the likeness of
your grace:
when you depart from me, sorrow abides
and happiness
takes his leave.
DON PEDRO
You embrace
your charge too willingly.
I think this
is your daughter.
LEONATO
Her mother
hath many times told me so.
BENEDICK
Were you in
doubt, sir, that you asked her?
LEONATO
Signior
Benedick, no; for then were you a child.
BENEDICK
If Signior
Leonato be her father, she would not
have his head
on her shoulders for all Messina, as
like him as
she is.
BEATRICE
I wonder that
you will still be talking, Signior
Benedick:
nobody marks you.
BENEDICK
What, my dear
Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?
BEATRICE
Is it possible
disdain should die while she hath
such meet food
to feed it as Signior Benedick?
Courtesy
itself must convert to disdain, if you come
in her
presence.
BENEDICK
Then is
courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
am loved of
all ladies, only you excepted: and I
would I could
find in my heart that I had not a hard
heart; for,
truly, I love none.
BEATRICE
A dear
happiness to women: they would else have
been troubled
with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
and my cold
blood, I am of your humour for that: I
had rather
hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
swear he loves
me.
BENEDICK
God keep your
ladyship still in that mind! so some
gentleman or
other shall ‘scape a predestinate
scratched
face.
BEATRICE
Scratching
could not make it worse, an ‘twere such
a face as
yours were.
BENEDICK
Well, you are
a rare parrot-teacher.
BEATRICE
A bird of my
tongue is better than a beast of yours.
BENEDICK
I would my
horse had the speed of your tongue, and
so good a
continuer. But keep your way, i’ God’s
name; I have
done.
BEATRICE
You always end
with a jade’s trick: I know you of old.
DON PEDRO
That is the
sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio
and Signior
Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath
invited you
all. I tell him we shall stay here at
the least a
month; and he heartily prays some
occasion may
detain us longer.
LEONATO
(To DONNA
JOANNA)
Let me bid you
welcome, my lady: being reconciled to
the prince
your brother, I owe you all duty.
DONNA JOANNA
I thank you: I
am not of many words, but I thank
you.
LEONATO
Please it your
grace lead on?
DON PEDRO
Your hand,
Leonato; we will go together.
Exeunt except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO
CLAUDIO
Benedick,
didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?
Is she not a
modest young lady?
BENEDICK
Do you
question me, as an honest man should do, for
my simple true
judgment; or would you have me speak
after my
custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?
CLAUDIO
No; I pray
thee speak in sober judgment.
In mine eye
she is the sweetest lady that ever I
looked on.
BENEDICK
I can see yet
without spectacles and I see no such
matter:
there’s her cousin, an she were not
possessed with
a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty
as the first
of May doth the last of December. But I
hope you have
no intent to turn husband, have you?
CLAUDIO
I would scarce
trust myself, though I had sworn the
contrary, if
Hero would be my wife.
BENEDICK
Is’t come to
this? In faith, hath not the world
one man but he
will wear his cap with suspicion?
Shall I never
see a bachelor of three-score again?
Go to, i’
faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck
into a yoke,
wear the print of it and sigh away
Sundays.
DON PEDRO
What secret
hath held you here, that you followed
not to
Leonato’s?
BENEDICK
I would your
grace would constrain me to tell.
DON PEDRO
I charge thee
on thy allegiance.
BENEDICK
You hear,
Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb
man; I would
have you think so; but, on my
allegiance,
mark you this, on my allegiance. He is
in love. With
who? now mark how short his answer is;
With Hero,
Leonato’s daughter.
CLAUDIO
If my passion
change not shortly, God forbid it
should be
otherwise.
DON PEDRO
Amen, if you
love her; for the lady is very well worthy.
CLAUDIO
You speak this
to fetch me in, my lord.
DON PEDRO
By my troth, I
speak my thought.
CLAUDIO
And, in faith,
my lord, I spoke mine.
BENEDICK
And, by my two
faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.
That a woman
conceived me, I thank her; that she
brought me up,
I likewise give her most humble
thanks: but
that I will have a recheat winded in my
forehead, or
hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,
all women
shall pardon me. Because I will not do
them the wrong
to mistrust any, I will do myself the
right to trust
none; and the fine is, for the which
I may go the
finer, I will live a bachelor.
DON PEDRO
I shall see
thee too, ere I die, look pale with love.
BENEDICK
With anger,
with sickness, or with hunger, my lord,
not with love:
Prove that ever I lose more blood
with love than
I will get again with drinking, pick
out mine eyes
with a ballad-maker’s pen and hang me
up at the door
of a brothel-house for the sign of
blind Cupid!
(All laugh)
And so, I
leave you.
CLAUDIO
O, my lord,
When you went
onward on this ended action,
I look’d upon
Hero with a soldier’s eye,
That liked,
but had a rougher task in hand
Than to drive
liking to the name of love:
But now I am
return’d and that war-thoughts
Have left
their places vacant, in their rooms
Come thronging
soft and delicate desires,
All prompting
me how fair young Hero is,
Saying, I
liked her ere I went to wars.
DON PEDRO
Thou wilt be
like a lover presently
And tire the
hearer with a book of words.
If thou dost
love fair Hero, cherish it,
And I will
speak for you with her and her father,
And thou shalt
have her.
In her bosom
I’ll unclasp your heart
And take her
hearing prisoner with the force
And strong
encounter of your amorous tale:
Then after to
her father will I speak;
And the
conclusion is, she shall be thine.
In practise
let us put it presently.
ACT I. SCENE II. (Omitted.)
ACT I. SCENE III. Leonato’s House.
Enter DONNA JOANNA
DONNA JOANNA
I cannot hide
what I am:
I must be sad
when I have cause and smile
at no man’s
jests, eat when I have stomach and wait
for no man’s
leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and
tend on no
man’s business, laugh when I am merry and
claw no man in
his humour.
I had rather
be a canker in a hedge than a rose in
his grace, and
it better fits my blood to be
disdained of
all than to fashion a carriage to rob
love from any:
in this, though I cannot be said to
be a
flattering honest woman, it must not be denied
but I am a
plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with
a muzzle and
enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
have decreed
not to sing in my cage. If I had my
mouth, I would
bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
my liking: in
the meantime let me be that I am.
What news,
Borachio?
BORACHIO
I came yonder
from a great supper: the prince your
brother is
royally entertained by Leonato: and I
can give you
intelligence of an intended marriage.
DONNA JOANNA
Will it serve
for any model to build mischief on?
What is he for
a fool that betroths himself to
unquietness?
BORACHIO
Marry, it is
your brother’s right hand.
DONNA JOANNA
Who? The most
exquisite Claudio?
BORACHIO
Even he.
DONNA JOANNA
A proper
squire! And who, and who? which way looks
he?
BORACHIO
Marry, on
Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
I overheard it
privately agreed
upon that the
prince should woo Hero for
Count Claudio.
DONNA JOANNA
Come, come,
let us thither: this may prove food to
my
displeasure. That young start-up hath all the
glory of my
overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I
bless myself
every way. You will assist me?
BORACHIO
I’ll wait upon
your ladyship.
ACT II. SCENE I. LEONATO’S house.
LEONATO
Was not
Countess Joanna here at supper?
I saw her not.
BEATRICE
How tartly
that lady looks! I never can see
her but I am
heart-burned an hour after.
LEONATO
By my troth,
niece, thou wilt never get thee a
husband, if
thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
HERO
She is of a
very melancholy disposition.
LEONATO
Daughter,
remember what I told you: if the Prince
do solicit you
to marriage, you know your answer.
The revellers
are entering, make you all good room.
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, DONNA JOANNA,
BORACHIO, MARGARET and URSULA, all masked
DON PEDRO
(To Hero)
Lady, will you walk about with your friend?
HERO
So you walk
softly and look sweetly and say nothing,
I am yours for
the walk; and especially when I walk away.
DON PEDRO
With me in
your company?
HERO
I may say so,
when I please.
DON PEDRO
And when
please you to say so?
HERO
When I like
your favour; for God defend the lute
should be like
the case!
DON PEDRO
My visor is
Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.
HERO
Why, then,
your visor should be thatched.
DON PEDRO
Speak low, if
you speak love.
(Drawing her
aside to talk)
Well, I would
you did like me.
MARGARET
So would not
I, for your own sake; for I have many
ill-qualities.
Which is one?
MARGARET
I say my
prayers aloud.
I love you the
better: the hearers may cry, Amen.
MARGARET
God match me
with a good dancer!
BORACHIO
Amen.
MARGARET
And God keep
him out of my sight when the dance is
done! Answer,
clerk.
No more words:
the clerk is answered.
URSULA
I know you
well enough; you are Signior Leonato.
LEONATO
At a word, I
am not.
URSULA
I know you by
the waggling of your head.
LEONATO
To tell you
true, I counterfeit him.
URSULA
You could
never do him so ill-well, unless you were
the very man.
Here’s his dry hand up and down: you
are he, you
are he.
LEONATO
At a word, I
am not.
URSULA
Come, come, do
you think I do not know you by your
excellent wit?
Can virtue hide itself? Go to,
mum, you are
he: graces will appear, and there’s an end.
(Don Pedro and
Hero now approach and talk with Leonato)
BEATRICE
Will you not
tell me who told you so?
BENEDICK
No, you shall
pardon me.
BEATRICE
Nor will you
not tell me who you are?
BENEDICK
Not now.
BEATRICE
That I was
disdainful, and that I had my good wit
out of the
‘Hundred Merry Tales:’* Well this was
Signior
Benedick that said so.
(*the Decameron)
BENEDICK
What’s he?
BEATRICE
I am sure you
know him well enough.
BENEDICK
Not I, believe
me.
BEATRICE
Did he never
make you laugh?
BENEDICK
I pray you,
what is he?
BEATRICE
Why, he is the
prince’s jester: A very dull fool;
only his gift
is in devising impossible slanders:
None but
libertines delight in him; and the
commendation
is not in his wit, but in his villany;
for he both
pleases men and angers them, and then
they laugh at
him and beat him. I am sure he is in
the fleet: I
would he had boarded me.
BENEDICK
When I know
the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.
BEATRICE
Do, do: He’ll
but break a comparison or two on me;
which,
peradventure not marked or not laughed at,
strikes him
into melancholy; and then there’s a
partridge wing
saved, for the fool will eat no
supper that
night. (Music)
We must follow
the leaders.
BENEDICK
In every good
thing.
BEATRICE
Nay, if they
lead to any ill, I will leave them at
the next
turning.
(Dance, in
which Benedick is shown up by Beatrice.)
(Afterwards,
Leonato talks to Beatrice; Beatrice goes to fetch Claudio)
BENEDICK
(To Don Pedro)
Will your grace command me any service to the
world’s end? I
will go on the slightest errand now
to the
Antipodes that you can devise to send me on;
I will fetch
you a tooth-picker now from the
furthest inch
of Asia, bring you the length of
Prester John’s
foot, fetch you a hair off the great
Cham’s beard,
do you any embassage to the Pigmies,
rather than
hold three words’ conference with this
harpy. You
have no employment for me?
DON PEDRO
None, but to
desire your good company.
BENEDICK
O God, sir,
here’s a dish I love not: I cannot
endure my Lady
Tongue.
DON PEDRO
Come, lady,
come; you have lost the heart of
Signior
Benedick.
BEATRICE
(Fetching
Claudio)
Indeed, my
lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave
him use for
it, a double heart for his single one:
marry, once
before he won it of me with false dice,
therefore your
grace may well say I have lost it.
DON PEDRO
You have put
him down, lady, you have put him down.
BEATRICE
So I would not
he should do me, my lord, lest I
should prove
the mother of fools. Uncle, I have brought
Count Claudio,
whom you sent me to seek.
LEONATO
Count, the Prince has wooed in thy name;
take of me my
daughter, and with her my
fortunes: His grace
hath made the match, and my
grace say Amen
to it.
BEATRICE
Speak, count,
‘tis your cue.
CLAUDIO
Silence is the
perfectest herald of joy: I were
but little
happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as
you are mine,
I am yours: I give away myself for
you and dote
upon the exchange.
BEATRICE
Speak, cousin;
or, if you cannot, stop his mouth
with a kiss,
and let not him speak neither.
DON PEDRO
In faith,
lady, you have a merry heart.
BEATRICE
Yea, my lord;
I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on
the windy side
of care. My cousin tells him in his
ear that he is
in her heart.
CLAUDIO
And so she
doth, cousin.
BEATRICE
Good Lord, for
alliance! Thus goes every one to the
world but I,
and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a
corner and cry
heigh-ho for a husband!
DON PEDRO
Lady Beatrice,
I will get you one.
BEATRICE
I would rather
have one of your father’s getting.
Hath your
grace ne’er a brother like you? Your
father got
excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.
DON PEDRO
Will you have
me, lady?
BEATRICE
No, my lord,
unless I might have another for
working-days:
Your grace is too costly to wear
every day.
But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I
was born to
speak all mirth and no matter.
DON PEDRO
Your silence
most offends me, and to be merry best
becomes you;
for, out of question, you were born in
a merry hour.
BEATRICE
No, sure, my
lord, my mother cried; but then there
was a star
danced, and under that was I born.
(yawns)
Cousins, God give you joy!
By your
grace’s pardon.
DON PEDRO
By my troth, a
pleasant-spirited lady.
LEONATO
There’s little
of the melancholy element in her, my
lord: she is
never sad but when she sleeps, and
not ever sad
then; for I have heard my daughter say,
she hath often
dreamed of unhappiness and waked
herself with
laughing.
DON PEDRO
She cannot
endure to hear tell of a husband.
LEONATO
O, by no
means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.
DON PEDRO
She were an
excellent wife for Benedick.
LEONATO
O Lord, my
lord, if they were but a week married,
they would
talk themselves mad.
DON PEDRO
Count Claudio,
when mean you to go to church?
CLAUDIO
To-morrow, my
lord: time goes on crutches till love
have all his
rites.
LEONATO
Not till
Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
seven-night;
and a time too brief, too, to have all
things answer
my mind.
DON PEDRO
Come, you
shake the head at so long a breathing:
but, I warrant
thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
dully by us. I
will in the interim undertake one of
Hercules’
labours; which is, to bring Signior
Benedick and
the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of
affection the
one with the other. I would fain have
it a match,
and I doubt not but to fashion it, if
you three will
but minister such assistance as I
shall give you
direction.
LEONATO
My lord, I am
for you, though it cost me ten
nights’
watchings.
CLAUDIO
And I, my
lord.
DON PEDRO
And you too,
gentle Hero?
HERO
I will do any
modest office, my lord, to help my
cousin to a
good husband.
DON PEDRO
And Benedick
is not the unhopefullest husband that
I know. Thus
far can I praise him; he is of a noble
strain, of
approved valour and confirmed honesty. I
will teach you
how to humour your cousin, that she
shall fall in
love with Benedick; and I, with your
two helps,
will so practise on Benedick that, in
despite of his
quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
shall fall in
love with Beatrice. If we can do this,
Cupid is no
longer an archer: his glory shall be
ours, for we
are the only love-gods. Go in with me,
and I will
tell you my drift.
ACT II. SCENE II. LEONATO’S house.
Enter BORACHIO
DONNA JOANNA
It is so; the
Count Claudio shall marry the
daughter of
Leonato.
BORACHIO
Yea, my lady;
but I can cross it,
so covertly
that no
dishonesty
shall appear in me.
DONNA JOANNA
Show me
briefly how.
BORACHIO
I think I told
your ladyship a year since, how much
I am in the
favour of Margaret, the waiting
gentlewoman to
Hero.
DONNA JOANNA
I remember.
BORACHIO
I can, at any
unseasonable instant of the night,
appoint her to
look out at her lady’s chamber window.
DONNA JOANNA
What life is
in that, to be the death of this marriage?
BORACHIO
The poison of
that lies in you to temper. Go you to
the prince
your brother; spare not to tell him that
he hath
wronged his honour in marrying the renowned
Claudio -
whose estimation do you mightily hold
up - to a
contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.
DONNA JOANNA
What proof
shall I make of that?
BORACHIO
Proof enough
to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio,
to undo Hero
and kill Leonato. Look you for any
other issue?
DONNA JOANNA
Only to
despite them, I will endeavour any thing.
BORACHIO
Go, then; find
a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and Claudio.
They will
scarcely believe without trial; which shall
be no less
than to see me at her chamber-window,
hear me call
Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me
Borachio; and
bring them to see this the very night
before the
intended wedding, - for in the meantime I
will so
fashion the matter that Hero shall be
absent, - and
there shall appear such seeming truth
of Hero’s
disloyalty that jealousy shall be called
assurance and
all the preparation overthrown.
DONNA JOANNA
Grow this to
what adverse issue it can, I will put
it in
practise. Be cunning in the working this, and
thy fee is a
thousand ducats.
BORACHIO
Be you
constant in the accusation, and my cunning
shall not
shame me.
DONNA JOANNA
I will
presently go learn their day of marriage.
ACT II. SCENE III. LEONATO’S House.
BENEDICK
I do much
wonder that one man, seeing how much
another man is
a fool when he dedicates his
behaviors to
love, will, after he hath laughed at
such shallow
follies in others, become the argument
of his own
scorn by failing in love: and such a man
is Claudio. I
have known when there was no music
with him but
the drum and the fife; and now had he
rather hear
the tabour and the pipe: I have known
when he would
have walked ten mile a-foot to see a
good armour;
and now will he lie ten nights awake,
carving the
fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to
speak plain
and to the purpose, like an honest man
and a soldier;
and now is he turned orthography; his
words are a
very fantastical banquet, just so many
strange
dishes. May I be so converted and see with
these eyes? I
cannot tell; I think not: I will not
be sworn, but
love may transform me to an oyster; but
I’ll take my
oath on it, till he have made an oyster
of me, he
shall never make me such a fool. One woman
is fair, yet I
am well; another is wise, yet I am
well; another
virtuous, yet I am well; but till all
graces be in
one woman, one woman shall not come in
my grace. Rich
she shall be, that’s certain; wise,
or I’ll none;
virtuous, or I’ll never cheapen her;
fair, or I’ll
never look on her; mild, or come not
near me;
noble, or not I for an angel; of good
discourse, an
excellent musician, and her hair shall
be of what
colour it please God. Ha! the prince and
Monsieur Love!
I will hide me in the arbour.
(Hides)
(With
concealed goblets and a bottle of wine)
DON PEDRO
Come, shall we
hear this music?
LEONATO
Yea, my good
lord. How still the evening is,
As hush’d on
purpose to grace harmony!
(They drink)
DON PEDRO
See you where
Benedick hath hid himself?
CLAUDIO
O, very well,
my lord: the music ended,
We’ll fit the
kid-fox with a pennyworth.
DON PEDRO
(Song)
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were
deceivers ever,
One foot in
sea and one on shore,
To one thing
constant never:
Then sigh not
so, but let them go,
And be you
blithe and bonny,
Converting all
your sounds of woe
Into Hey
nonny, nonny.
Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
Of dumps so
dull and heavy;
The fraud of
men was ever so,
Since summer
first was leafy:
Then sigh not
so, but let them go,
And be you
blithe and bonny,
Converting all
your sounds of woe
Into Hey
nonny, nonny.
LEONATO
By my troth, a
good song.
CLAUDIO
From an ill singer, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Ha, no, no,
faith; I singest well enough.
BENEDICK
An he had been
a dog that should have howled thus,
they would
have hanged him!
DON PEDRO
Come hither,
Leonato. What was it you told me of
to-day, that
your niece Beatrice was in love with
Signior
Benedick?
CLAUDIO
O, ay: stalk
on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did
never think
that lady would have loved any man.
LEONATO
No, nor I
neither; but most wonderful that she
should so dote
on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in
all outward
behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
BENEDICK
Is’t possible?
Sits the wind in that corner?
LEONATO
By my troth,
my lord, I cannot tell what to think
of it but that
she loves him with an enraged
affection: it
is past the infinite of thought.
DON PEDRO
May be she
doth but counterfeit.
CLAUDIO
Faith, like
enough.
LEONATO
O God,
counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of
passion came
so near the life of passion as she
discovers it.
DON PEDRO
Why, what
effects of passion shows she?
CLAUDIO
Bait the hook
well; this fish will bite.
LEONATO
What effects,
my lord? She will sit you, you heard
my daughter
tell you how.
CLAUDIO
She did,
indeed.
DON PEDRO
How, how, pray
you?…You amaze me: I would have I
thought her
spirit had been invincible against all
assaults of
affection.
LEONATO
I would have
sworn it had, my lord; especially
against
Benedick.
DON PEDRO
Hath she made
her affection known to Benedick?
LEONATO
No; and swears
she never will: that’s her torment.
CLAUDIO
Then down upon
her knees she falls, weeps, sobs,
beats her
heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; ‘O
sweet
Benedick! God give me patience!’
LEONATO
She doth
indeed; my daughter says so: and the
ecstasy hath
so much overborne her that my daughter
is sometime
afeared she will do a desperate outrage
to herself: it
is very true.
DON PEDRO
It were good
that Benedick knew of it by some
other, if she
will not discover it.
CLAUDIO
To what end?
He would make but a sport of it and
torment the
poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO
An he should,
it were an alms to hang him. She’s an
excellent
sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion,
she is
virtuous.
CLAUDIO
And she is
exceeding wise.
DON PEDRO
In every thing
but in loving Benedick.
LEONATO
I am sorry for
her, as I have just
cause, being
her uncle and her guardian.
DON PEDRO
I pray you,
tell Benedick of it, and hear
what a’ will
say.
LEONATO
Were it good,
think you?
CLAUDIO
Hero thinks
surely she will die; for she says she
will die, if
he love her not, and she will die, ere
she make her
love known, and she will die, if he woo
her, rather
than she will bate one breath of her
accustomed
crossness.
DON PEDRO
She doth well:
if she should make tender of her
love, ‘tis
very possible he’ll scorn it; for the
man, as you
know all, hath a contemptible spirit.
CLAUDIO
He is a very
proper man.
DON PEDRO
He hath indeed
a good outward happiness.
CLAUDIO
Before God!
and, in my mind, very wise.
DON PEDRO
He doth indeed
show some sparks that are like wit.
CLAUDIO
And valiant.
DON PEDRO
As Hector, I
assure you: and in the managing of
quarrels you
may say he is wise; for either he
avoids them
with great discretion, or undertakes
them with a
most Christian-like fear.
CLAUDIO
Never tell
him, my lord: let her wear it out with
good counsel.
LEONATO
Nay, that’s
impossible: she may wear her heart out first.
DON PEDRO
Well, we will
hear further of it by your daughter:
let it cool
the while. I love Benedick well; and I
could wish he
would modestly examine himself, to see
how much he is
unworthy so good a lady.
LEONATO
My lord, will
you walk? dinner is ready.
CLAUDIO
If he do not
dote on her upon this, I will never
trust my
expectation.
DON PEDRO
Let there be
the same net spread for her; and that
must your
daughter and her gentlewomen carry.
Let us send
her to call him in to dinner.
BENEDICK
(Coming
forward) This can be no trick: the
conference was
sadly borne. They have the truth of
this from
Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it
seems her
affections have their full bent. Love me!
why, it must
be requited. I hear how I am censured:
they say I
will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
the love come
from her; they say too that she will
rather die
than give any sign of affection. I did
never think to
marry: I must not seem proud: happy
are they that
hear their detractions and can put
them to
mending. They say the lady is fair; ‘tis a
truth, I can
bear them witness; and virtuous; ‘tis
so, I cannot
reprove it; and wise, but for loving
me; by my
troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
no great
argument of her folly, for I will be
horribly in
love with her. I may chance have some
odd quirks and
remnants of wit broken on me,
because I have
railed so long against marriage: but
doth not the
appetite alter? a man loves the meat
in his youth
that he cannot endure in his age.
Shall quips
and sentences and these paper bullets of
the brain awe
a man from the career of his humour?
No, the world
must be peopled. When I said I would
die a
bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
were married.
Here comes
Beatrice. By this day!
she’s a fair
lady: I do spy some marks of love in her.
BEATRICE
Against my
will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
BENEDICK
Fair Beatrice,
I thank you for your pains.
BEATRICE
I took no more
pains for those thanks than you take
pains to thank
me: if it had been painful, I would
not have come.
BENEDICK
You take
pleasure then in the message?
BEATRICE
Yea, just so
much as you may take upon a knife’s
point. You
have no stomach, signior: fare you well.
BENEDICK
Ha! ‘Against
my will I am sent to bid you come in
to dinner;’
there’s a double meaning in that. If I do
not take pity
of her, I am a villain.
Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA
HERO
Good Margaret,
run thee to the parlor;
There shalt
thou find my cousin Beatrice
Whisper her
ear and tell her, I and Ursula
Walk in the
orchard and our whole discourse
Is all of her;
say that thou overheard’st us;
And bid her
steal into the pleached bower,
To listen our
purpose. This is thy office;
Bear thee well
in it and leave us alone.
MARGARET
I’ll make her
come, I warrant you, presently.
HERO
Now, Ursula,
when Beatrice doth come,
As we do trace
this alley up and down,
Our talk must
only be of Benedick.
When I do name
him, let it be thy part
To praise him
more than ever man did merit:
My talk to
thee must be how Benedick
Is sick in
love with Beatrice. Of this matter
Is little
Cupid’s crafty arrow made.
Now begin;
For look where
Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs
Close by the
ground, to hear our conference.
(Approaching
the bower)
No, truly,
Ursula, she is too disdainful;
I know her
spirits are as coy and wild
As haggerds of
the rock.
URSULA
But are you
sure
That Benedick
loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO
So says the
prince and my new-trothed lord.
URSULA
And did they
bid you tell her of it, madam?
HERO
They did entreat
me to acquaint her of it;
But I
persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
To wish him
wrestle with affection,
And never to
let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA
Why did you
so? Doth not the gentleman
Deserve as
full as fortunate a bed
As ever
Beatrice shall couch upon?
HERO
O god of love!
I know he doth deserve
As much as may
be yielded to a man:
But Nature
never framed a woman’s heart
Of prouder
stuff than that of Beatrice;
Disdain and
scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprising
what they look on, and her wit
Values itself
so highly that to her
All matter
else seems weak: she cannot love,
Nor take no
shape nor project of affection,
She is so
self-endeared.
URSULA
Sure, I think
so;
And therefore
certainly it were not good
She knew his
love, lest she make sport at it.
HERO
Why, you speak
truth. I never yet saw man,
How wise, how
noble, young, how rarely featured,
But she would
spell him backward: if fair-faced,
She would
swear the gentleman should be her sister;
If black, why,
Nature, drawing of an antique,
Made a foul
blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
If low, an
agate very vilely cut;
If speaking,
why, a vane blown with all winds;
If silent,
why, a block moved with none.
So turns she
every man the wrong side out
And never
gives to truth and virtue that
Which
simpleness and merit purchaseth.
URSULA
Sure, sure,
such carping is not commendable.
HERO
But who dare
tell her so? If I should speak,
She would mock
me into air; O, she would laugh me
Out of myself,
press me to death with wit.
Therefore let
Benedick, like cover’d fire,
Consume away
in sighs, waste inwardly:
It were a
better death than die with mocks,
Which is as
bad as die with tickling.
URSULA
Yet tell her
of it: hear what she will say.
HERO
No; rather I
will go to Benedick
And counsel him
to fight against his passion.
And, truly,
I’ll devise some honest slanders
To stain my
cousin with: one doth not know
How much an
ill word may empoison liking.
URSULA
O, do not do
your cousin such a wrong.
She cannot be
so much without true judgment--
Having so
swift and excellent a wit
As she is
prized to have--as to refuse
So rare a
gentleman as Signior Benedick.
HERO
He is the only
man of Italy.
Always
excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA
I pray you, be
not angry with me, madam,
Speaking my
fancy: Signior Benedick,
For shape, for
bearing, argument and valour,
Goes foremost
in report through Italy.
HERO
Indeed, he
hath an excellent good name.
URSULA
His excellence
did earn it, ere he had it.
When are you
married, madam?
HERO
Why, every
day, to-morrow. Come, go in:
I’ll show thee
some attires, and have thy counsel
Which is the
best to furnish me to-morrow.
URSULA
She’s limed, I
warrant you: we have caught her, madam.
HERO
If it proves
so, then loving goes by haps:
Some Cupid
kills with arrows, some with traps.
BEATRICE
(Coming
forward) What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I
condemn’d for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt,
farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives
behind the back of such.
And, Benedick,
love on; I will requite thee,
Taming my wild
heart to thy loving hand:
If thou dost
love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our
loves up in a holy band;
For others say
thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it
better than reportingly.
Enter DONNA
JOANNA, DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO
DONNA JOANNA
My lord and
brother, God save you!
DON PEDRO
Good den,
sister.
DONNA JOANNA
If your
leisure served, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO
In private?
DONNA JOANNA
If it please
you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
what I would
speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO
What’s the
matter?
DONNA JOANNA
(to CLAUDIO)
Means your lordship to be married to-morrow?
DON PEDRO
You know he
does.
DONNA JOANNA
I know not
that, when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO
If there be
any impediment, I pray you discover it.
DONNA JOANNA
You may think
I love you not: let that appear
hereafter, and
aim better at me by that I now will
manifest.
DON PEDRO
Why, what’s
the matter?
DONNA JOANNA
I came hither
to tell you;
the lady is
disloyal.
CLAUDIO
Who, Hero?
Disloyal?
DONNA JOANNA
The word is
too good to paint out her wickedness; I
could say she
were worse: think you of a worse
title, and I
will fit her to it.
Go but with me
to-night, you shall
see her
chamber-window entered, even the night
before her
wedding-day: if you love her then,
to-morrow wed
her; but it would better fit your honour
to change your
mind.
CLAUDIO
May this be
so?
DON PEDRO
I will not
think it.
DONNA JOANNA
If you dare
not trust that you see, confess not
that you know:
if you will follow me, I will show
you enough.
CLAUDIO
If I see any
thing to-night why I should not marry
her to-morrow
in the congregation,
then will I
shame her.
DON PEDRO
And, as I wooed
for thee to obtain her, I will join
with thee to
disgrace her.
DONNA JOANNA
Let the issue
show itself.
(They hide)
(Embracing
passionately)
BORACHIO
Hero! Hero!
MARGARET
Borachio!
Borachio!
DON PEDRO
O day
untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO
O mischief
strangely thwarting!
DONNA JOANNA
O plague right
well prevented!
So will you
say when you have seen the sequel.
ACT III. SCENE IV. LEONATO’S House.
HERO
Good Ursula,
wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire
her to rise.
URSULA
I will, lady.
HERO
And bid her
come hither.
URSULA
Well.
MARGARET
Troth, I think
your other rabato were better.
HERO
No, pray thee,
good Meg, I’ll wear this.
MARGARET
By my troth,
‘s not so good; and I warrant your
cousin will
say so.
HERO
My cousin’s a
fool, and thou art another: I’ll wear
none but this.
MARGARET
I like the new
tire within excellently, if the hair
were a thought
browner; and your gown’s a most rare
fashion, i’
faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan’s
gown that they
praise so.
HERO
O, that
exceeds, they say.
MARGARET
By my troth,
‘s but a night-gown in respect of
yours: cloth
o’ gold, and cuts, and laced with
silver, set
with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves,
and skirts,
round underborne with a bluish tinsel:
but for a
fine, quaint, graceful and excellent
fashion, yours
is worth ten on ‘t.
HERO
God give me
joy to wear it! for my heart is
exceeding
heavy.
MARGARET
‘Twill be
heavier soon by the weight of a man.
HERO
Fie upon thee!
Art not ashamed?
MARGARET
Of what, lady?
Of speaking honourably? Is not
marriage
honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord
honourable
without marriage? I think you would have
me say,
‘saving your reverence, a husband:’ and bad
thinking do
not wrest true speaking, I’ll offend
nobody: is
there any harm in ‘the heavier for a
husband’?
None, I think, and it be the right husband
and the right
wife; otherwise ‘tis light, and not
heavy: ask my
Lady Beatrice else; here she comes.
HERO
Good morrow,
cuz.
BEATRICE
Good morrow,
sweet Hero.
HERO
Why how now?
do you speak in the sick tune?
BEATRICE
I am out of
all other tune, methinks.
‘Tis almost
five o’clock, cousin; tis time you were
ready. By my
troth, I am exceeding ill: heigh-ho!
O, God help
me!
MARGARET
Perchance you
are in love?
Methinks you
look with
your eyes as
other women do.
BEATRICE
What pace is
this thy tongue keeps?
MARGARET
Not a false
gallop.
URSULA
Madam,
withdraw: The prince, the count, Signior
Benedick, and
all the gallants of the
town, are come
to fetch you to church.
HERO
Help to dress
me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.
ACT III. SCENE V. (Omitted.)
ACT IV. SCENE I. A Church.
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK and ABBESS
FRANCIS
Enter LEONATO, HERO and BEATRICE
LEONATO
Come, Abbess
Francis, be brief; only to the plain
form of
marriage, and you shall recount their
particular
duties afterwards.
ABBESS FRANCIS
You come
hither, my lord, to marry this lady.
CLAUDIO
No.
LEONATO
To be married
to her: Abbess, you come to marry her.
ABBESS FRANCIS
Lady, you come
hither to be married to this count.
HERO
I do.
ABBESS FRANCIS
If either of
you know any inward impediment why you
should not be
conjoined, charge you, on your souls,
to utter it.
CLAUDIO
Know you any,
Hero?
HERO
None, my lord.
ABBESS FRANCIS
Know you any,
count?
LEONATO
I dare make
his answer, none.
CLAUDIO
Stand thee by, Abbess. Father, by your leave:
Will you with
free and unconstrained soul
Give me this
maid, your daughter?
LEONATO
As freely,
son, as God did give her me.
CLAUDIO
And what have
I to give you back, whose worth
May
counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
DON PEDRO
Nothing,
unless you render her again.
CLAUDIO
Sweet prince,
you learn me noble thankfulness.
There,
Leonato, take her back again:
Give not this
rotten orange to your friend;
She’s but the
sign and semblance of her honour.
Behold how
like a maid she blushes here!
Would you not
swear,
All you that
see her, that she were a maid,
By these
exterior shows? But she is none:
She knows the
heat of a luxurious bed;
Her blush is
guiltiness, not modesty.
LEONATO
What do you
mean, my lord?
CLAUDIO
Not to be
married,
Not to knit my
soul to an approved wanton.
LEONATO
Dear my lord,
if you, in your own proof,
Have
vanquish’d the resistance of her youth,
And made
defeat of her virginity,--
CLAUDIO
I know what
you would say: if I have known her,
You will say
she did embrace me as a husband,
And so
extenuate the ‘forehand sin:
No, Leonato,
I never
tempted her with word too large;
But, as a
brother to his sister, show’d
Bashful
sincerity and comely love.
HERO
And seem’d I
ever otherwise to you?
CLAUDIO
Out on thee!
Seeming! I will write against it:
You seem to me
as Dian in her orb,
As chaste as
is the bud ere it be blown;
But you are
more intemperate in your blood
Than Venus, or
those pamper’d animals
That rage in
savage sensuality.
HERO
Is my lord
well, that he doth speak so wide?
LEONATO
Sweet prince,
why speak not you?
DON PEDRO
What should I
speak?
I stand
dishonour’d, that have gone about
To link my
dear friend to a common stale.
LEONATO
Are these
things spoken, or do I but dream?
DON PEDRO
Sir, they are
spoken, and these things are true.
BENEDICK
This looks not
like a nuptial.
HERO
True! O God!
CLAUDIO
Leonato, stand
I here?
Is this the
prince?
Is this face
Hero’s? Are our eyes our own?
LEONATO
All this is
so: but what of this, my lord?
CLAUDIO
Let me but
move one question to your daughter;
And, by that
fatherly and kindly power
That you have
in her, bid her answer truly.
LEONATO
I charge thee
do so, as thou art my child.
HERO
O, God defend
me! how am I beset!
What kind of
catechising call you this?
CLAUDIO
What man was
he talk’d with you yesternight
Out at your
window betwixt twelve and one?
Now, if you
are a maid, answer to this.
HERO
I talk’d with
no man at that hour, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Why, then are
you no maiden. Leonato,
I am sorry you
must hear: upon mine honour,
Myself, my
sister and this grieved count
Did see her,
hear her, at that hour last night
Talk with a
ruffian at her chamber-window
Who hath
indeed, most like a liberal villain,
Confess’d the
vile encounters they have had
A thousand
times in secret.
CLAUDIO
O Hero!
Fare thee
well, most foul, most fair! farewell,
Thou pure
impiety and impious purity!
For thee I’ll
lock up all the gates of love,
And on my
eyelids shall conjecture hang,
To turn all
beauty into thoughts of harm,
And never
shall it more be gracious.
LEONATO
Hath no man’s
dagger here a point for me?
(HERO swoons)
BEATRICE
Why, how now,
cousin! wherefore sink you down?
DON PEDRO
Come, let us
go. These things, come thus to light,
Smother her
spirits up.
BENEDICK
How doth the
lady?
BEATRICE
Dead, I think.
Help, uncle!
Hero! why,
Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Abbess!
LEONATO
O Fate! take
not away thy heavy hand.
Death is the
fairest cover for her shame
That may be
wish’d for.
BEATRICE
How now,
cousin Hero!
ABBESS FRANCIS
Have comfort,
lady.
LEONATO
Dost thou look
up?
ABBESS FRANCIS
Yea, wherefore
should she not?
LEONATO
Wherefore!
Why, doth not every earthly thing
Cry shame upon
her? Could she here deny
The story that
is printed in her blood?
Do not live,
Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
For, did I
think thou wouldst not quickly die,
Thought I thy
spirits were stronger than thy shames,
Myself would,
on the rearward of reproaches,
Strike at thy
life. Grieved I, I had but one?
Chid I for
that at frugal nature’s frame?
O, one too
much by thee! Why had I one?
Why ever wast
thou lovely in my eyes?
O, she is
fallen
Into a pit of
ink, that the wide sea
Hath drops too
few to wash her clean again
And salt too
little which may season give
To her
foul-tainted flesh!
BENEDICK
Sir, sir, be
patient.
For my part, I
am so attired in wonder,
I know not
what to say.
BEATRICE
O, on my soul,
my cousin is belied!
BENEDICK
Lady, were you
her bedfellow last night?
BEATRICE
No, truly not;
although, until last night,
I have this
twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
LEONATO
Confirm’d,
confirm’d!
Would the good
prince lie, and Claudio lie,
Who loved her
so, that, speaking of her foulness,
Wash’d it with
tears? Hence from her! let her die.
ABBESS FRANCIS
Hear me a
little;
For I have
only been silent so long
And given way
unto this course of fortune.
By noting of
the lady I have mark’d
A thousand
blushing apparitions
To start into
her face, a thousand innocent shames
In angel
whiteness beat away those blushes;
And in her eye
there hath appear’d a fire,
To burn the
errors that these princes hold
Against her
maiden truth. Call me a fool;
Trust not my
reading nor my observations,
Which with
experimental seal doth warrant
The tenor of
my book; trust not my age,
My reverence,
calling, nor divinity,
If this sweet
lady lie not guiltless here
Under some
biting error.
LEONATO
Abbess, it
cannot be.
Thou seest
that all the grace that she hath left
Is that she
will not add to her damnation
A sin of
perjury; she not denies it:
Why seek’st
thou then to cover with excuse
That which
appears in proper nakedness?
ABBESS FRANCIS
Lady, what man
is he you are accused of?
HERO
They know that
do accuse me; I know none:
If I know more
of any man alive
Than that
which maiden modesty doth warrant,
Let all my
sins lack mercy! O my father,
Prove you that
any man with me conversed
Refuse me,
hate me, torture me to death!
ABBESS FRANCIS
There is some
strange misprision in the princes.
BENEDICK
Two of them
have the very bent of honour;
And if their
wisdoms be misled in this,
The practise
of it lives in Donna Joanna,
Whose spirits
toil in frame of villanies.
LEONATO
I know not. If
they speak but truth of her,
These hands
shall tear her; if they wrong her honour,
The proudest
of them shall well hear of it.
Time hath not
yet so dried this blood of mine,
Nor age so eat
up my invention,
Nor fortune
made such havoc of my means,
Nor my bad
life reft me so much of friends,
But they shall
find, awaked in such a kind,
Both strength
of limb and policy of mind,
Ability in
means and choice of friends,
To quit me of
them throughly.
ABBESS FRANCIS
Pause awhile,
And let my
counsel sway you in this case.
Your daughter
here the princes left for dead:
Let her awhile
be secretly kept in,
And publish it
that she is dead indeed;
Maintain a
mourning ostentation
And on your
family’s old monument
Hang mournful
epitaphs and do all rites
That appertain
unto a burial.
LEONATO
What shall
become of this? What will this do?
ABBESS FRANCIS
Marry, this
well carried shall on her behalf
Change slander
to remorse; that is some good:
But not for
that dream I on this strange course,
But on this
travail look for greater birth.
She dying, as
it must so be maintain’d,
Upon the instant
that she was accused,
Shall be
lamented, pitied and excused
Of every
hearer: for it so falls out
That what we
have we prize not to the worth
Whiles we
enjoy it, but being lack’d and lost,
Why, then we
rack the value, then we find
The virtue
that possession would not show us
Whiles it was
ours. So will it fare with Claudio:
When he shall
hear she died upon his words,
The idea of
her life shall sweetly creep
Into his study
of imagination,
And every
lovely organ of her life
Shall come
apparell’d in more precious habit,
More
moving-delicate and full of life,
Into the eye
and prospect of his soul,
Than when she
lived indeed; then shall he mourn,
If ever love
had interest in his liver,
And wish he
had not so accused her,
No, though he
thought his accusation true.
Let this be
so, and doubt not but success
Will fashion
the event in better shape
Than I can lay
it down in likelihood.
But if all aim
but this be levell’d false,
The
supposition of the lady’s death
Will quench
the wonder of her infamy:
And if it sort
not well, you may conceal her,
As best befits
her wounded reputation,
In some
reclusive and religious life,
Out of all
eyes, tongues, minds and injuries.
BENEDICK
Signior
Leonato, let the Abbess advise you:
And though you
know my inwardness and love
Is very much
unto the prince and Claudio,
Yet, by mine
honour, I will deal in this
As secretly
and justly as your soul
Should with
your body.
LEONATO
Being that I
flow in grief,
The smallest
twine may lead me.
ABBESS FRANCIS
‘Tis well
consented: presently away;
For to strange
sores strangely they strain the cure.
Come, lady,
die to live: this wedding-day
Perhaps is but
prolong’d: have patience and endure.
BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice,
have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE
Yea, and I
will weep a while longer.
BENEDICK
I will not
desire that.
BEATRICE
You have no
reason; I do it freely.
BENEDICK
Surely I do
believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE
Ah, how much
might the man deserve of me that would right her!
BENEDICK
Is there any
way to show such friendship?
BEATRICE
A very even
way, but no such friend.
BENEDICK
May a man do
it?
BEATRICE
It is a man’s
office, but not yours.
BENEDICK
I do love
nothing in the world so well as you: is
not that
strange?
BEATRICE
As strange as
the thing I know not. It were as
possible for
me to say I loved nothing so well as
you: but
believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
confess
nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
BENEDICK
By my sword,
Beatrice, thou lovest me.
BEATRICE
Do not swear,
and eat it.
BENEDICK
I will swear
by it that you love me; and I will make
him eat it
that says I love not you.
BEATRICE
Will you not
eat your word?
BENEDICK
With no sauce
that can be devised to it. I protest
I love thee.
BEATRICE
Why, then, God
forgive me!
BENEDICK
What offence,
sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE
You have
stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to
protest I
loved you.
BENEDICK
And do it with
all thy heart.
BEATRICE
I love you
with so much of my heart that none is
left to
protest.
BENEDICK
Come, bid me
do any thing for thee.
BEATRICE
Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK
Ha! not for
the wide world.
BEATRICE
You kill me to
deny it. Farewell.
BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet
Beatrice.
BEATRICE
I am gone,
though I am here: there is no love in
you: nay, I
pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK
Beatrice, -
BEATRICE
In faith, I
will go.
BENEDICK
We’ll be
friends first.
BEATRICE
You dare
easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
BENEDICK
Is Claudio
thine enemy?
BEATRICE
Is he not
approved in the height a villain, that
hath
slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman?
O that I were
a man! What, bear her in hand until they
come to take
hands; and then, with public
accusation,
uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour?
O God, that I
were a man! I would eat his heart
in the
market-place.
BENEDICK
Hear me,
Beatrice, -
BEATRICE
Talk with a
man out at a window! A proper saying!
BENEDICK
Nay, but,
Beatrice, -
BEATRICE
Sweet Hero!
She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
BENEDICK
Beat-
BEATRICE
O that I were
a man for his sake! or that I
had any friend
would be a man for my sake! But
manhood is
melted into courtesies, valour into
compliment,
and men are only turned into tongue, and
trim ones too:
he is now as valiant as Hercules
that only
tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a
man with
wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK
Tarry, good
Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
BEATRICE
Use it for my
love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK
Think you in
your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE
Yea, as sure
as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK
Enough. I am
engaged. I will challenge him. I will
kiss your
hand, and so I leave you. By this hand,
Claudio shall
render me a dear account. As you
hear of me, so
think of me. Go, comfort your
cousin: I must
say she is dead: and so, farewell.
ACT IV. SCENE II. (Omitted.)
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, LEONATO
DON PEDRO
Good den, good
den.
CLAUDIO
Good day to
you.
LEONATO
Hear you. my
lords, -
DON PEDRO
We have some
haste, Leonato.
LEONATO
Some haste, my
lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
Are you so
hasty now? well, all is one.
DON PEDRO
Nay, do not
quarrel with us, good old man.
LEONATO
Marry, thou
dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou: -
Nay, never lay
thy hand upon thy sword;
I fear thee
not.
CLAUDIO
Marry, beshrew
my hand,
If it should
give your age such cause of fear:
In faith, my
hand meant nothing to my sword.
LEONATO
Tush, tush,
man; never fleer and jest at me:
I speak not
like a dotard nor a fool,
As under
privilege of age to brag
What I have
done being young, or what would do
Were I not
old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
Thou hast so
wrong’d mine innocent child and me
That I am
forced to lay my reverence by
And, with grey
hairs and bruise of many days,
Do challenge
thee to trial of a man.
I say thou
hast belied mine innocent child;
Thy slander
hath gone through and through her heart,
And she lies
buried with her ancestors;
O, in a tomb
where never scandal slept,
Save this of
hers, framed by thy villany!
CLAUDIO
My villany?
LEONATO
Thine,
Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO
You say not
right, old man.
LEONATO
My lord, my
lord,
I’ll prove it
on his body, if he dare,
Despite his
nice fence and his active practise,
His May of
youth and bloom of lustihood.
CLAUDIO
Away! I will
not have to do with you.
LEONATO
Canst thou so
daff me? Thou hast kill’d my child:
If thou
kill’st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
DON PEDRO
Gentle
Leonato, My heart is sorry for your daughter’s death:
But, on my
honour, she was charged with nothing
But what was
true and very full of proof.
LEONATO
My lord, my
lord, -
DON PEDRO
I will not
hear you.
LEONATO
No? Come, then,
away! I will be heard.
Exit LEONATO
Enter BENEDICK
DON PEDRO
See, see; here
comes the man we went to seek.
CLAUDIO
Now, signior,
what news?
BENEDICK
Good day, my
lord.
DON PEDRO
Welcome,
signior: you are almost come to part
almost a fray.
CLAUDIO
We had like to
have had our noses snapped off
with an old
man without teeth.
DON PEDRO
Leonato. What
thinkest thou? Had
we fought, I
doubt we should have been too young for him.
BENEDICK
In a false
quarrel there is no true valour. I came
to seek you
both.
DON PEDRO
As I am an
honest man, he looks pale.
Art thou sick,
or angry?
By this light
I think he be angry indeed.
BENEDICK
(to CLAUDIO)
Shall I speak
a word in your ear?
You are a
villain; I jest not:
I will make it
good how you dare, with what you
dare, and when
you dare. Do me right, or I will
protest your
cowardice. You have killed a sweet
lady, and her
death shall fall heavy on you.
Fare you well,
boy: you know my mind. I will leave
you now to
your gossip-like humour: you break jests
as braggarts
do their blades, which God be thanked,
hurt not. My
lord, for your many courtesies I thank
you: I must
discontinue your company: your sister
is fled from
Messina: you have among
you killed a
sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
Lackbeard
there, he and I shall meet: and, till
then, peace be
with him.
DON PEDRO
He is in
earnest.
CLAUDIO
In most
profound earnest; and, I’ll warrant you, for
the love of
Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
And hath
challenged thee.
CLAUDIO
Most
sincerely.
DON PEDRO
But, soft you,
let me be: pluck up, my heart, and
be sad. Did he
not say, my sister was fled?
(Margaret
leads Borachio by the ear, a rolling pin in the other hand)
BORACHIO
Sweet prince,
I have deceived even your very eyes:
What your
wisdoms could not discover,
This shallow
fool have brought to light…
(Margaret hits
Borachio with the rolling pin)
…Who in the
night overheard me confessing
how Donna
Joanna your sister incensed me
to slander the
Lady Hero, how you were brought into
the orchard
and saw me court her in Hero’s
garments, how
you disgraced Hero, when you should
marry her:
My villany you
may have upon record; which
I had rather
seal with my death than repeat over
to my shame.
The lady is dead upon mine and my
mistress’
false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
nothing but
the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO
Runs not this
speech like iron through your blood?
CLAUDIO
I have drunk
poison whiles he utter’d it.
DON PEDRO
But did my
sister set thee on to this?
BORACHIO
Yea, and paid
me richly for the practise of it.
DON PEDRO
She is
composed and framed of treachery:
And fled she
is upon this villany.
CLAUDIO
Sweet Hero!
now thy image doth appear
In the rare
semblance that I loved it first.
LEONATO
Which is the
villain? let me see his eyes,
That, when I
note another man like him,
I may avoid
him: which is he?
BORACHIO
If you would
know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
Art thou the
slave that with thy breath hast kill’d
Mine innocent
child?
BORACHIO
Yea, even I
alone.
LEONATO
No, not so,
villain; thou beliest thyself:
Here stand a
pair;
A third is
fled, that had a hand in it.
I thank you,
princes, for my daughter’s death:
Record it with
your high and worthy deeds:
‘Twas bravely
done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
I know not how
to pray your patience;
Yet I must
speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
Impose me to
what penance your invention
Can lay upon
my sin: yet sinn’d I not
But in
mistaking.
DON PEDRO
By my soul,
nor I:
And yet, to
satisfy this good old man,
I would bend
under any heavy weight
That he’ll
enjoin me to.
LEONATO
I cannot bid
you bid my daughter live;
That were
impossible: but, I pray you both,
Possess the
people in Messina here
How innocent
she died; and if your love
Can labour
ought in sad invention,
Hang her an
epitaph upon her tomb
And sing it to
her bones, sing it to-night:
To-morrow
morning come you to my house,
And since you
could not be my son-in-law,
Be yet my
nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
And she alone
is heir to both of us:
Give her the
right you should have given her cousin,
And so dies my
revenge.
CLAUDIO
O noble sir,
Your
over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
I do embrace
your offer; and dispose
For henceforth
of poor Claudio.
LEONATO
To-morrow then
I will expect your coming;
To-night I
take my leave.
This naughty
man shall be brought.
And Margaret!
Pack’d in all this wrong?
BORACHIO
No, by my
soul, she was not,
Nor knew not
what she did when she spoke to me,
But always
hath been just and virtuous
In any thing
that I do know by her.
LEONATO
Until
to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.
DON PEDRO
We will not
fail.
CLAUDIO
To-night I’ll
mourn with Hero.
LEONATO
And we’ll
talk, Margaret,
How your
acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
ACT V. SCENE II. LEONATO’S House.
BENEDICK
Pray thee,
sweet Ursula, deserve well at
my hands by
helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
URSULA
Will you then
write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
BENEDICK
In so high a
style that no man living
shall come
over it; for, in most comely truth, thou
deservest it.
URSULA
To have no man
come over me! why, shall I always
keep below
stairs?
BENEDICK
Thy wit is as
quick as the greyhound’s mouth; it catches.
URSULA
And yours as
blunt as the fencer’s foils, which hit,
but hurt not.
BENEDICK
A most manly
wit, Ursula; it will not hurt a
woman: and so,
I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give
thee the
bucklers.
URSULA
Give us the
swords; we have bucklers of our own.
Yet I will
call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.
BENEDICK
And therefore
will come.
(Singing
badly)
The god of love,
That sits
above,
And knows me,
and knows me,
How pitiful I
deserve…
I mean in
singing; but in loving, Leander the good
swimmer,
Troilus the first employer of panders, and
a whole
bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers,
whose names
yet run smoothly in the even road of a
blank verse,
why, they were never so truly turned
over and over
as my poor self in love. Marry, I
cannot show it
in rhyme; I have tried: I can find
out no rhyme
to ‘lady’ but ‘baby,’ an innocent
rhyme; for
‘scorn,’ ‘horn,’ a hard rhyme; for,
‘school,’
‘fool,’ a babbling rhyme; very ominous
endings: no, I
was not born under a rhyming planet,
nor I cannot
woo in festival terms.
Sweet
Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE
Yea, signior,
and depart when you bid me.
BENEDICK
O, stay but
till then!
BEATRICE
‘Then’ is
spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere
I go, let me
go with that I came; which is, with
knowing what
hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK
Only foul
words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE
Foul words is
but foul wind, and foul wind is but
foul breath,
and foul breath is noisome; therefore I
will depart
unkissed.
BENEDICK
Thou hast
frighted the word out of his right sense,
so forcible is
thy wit. But I must tell thee
plainly,
Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either
I must shortly
hear from him, or I will subscribe
him a coward. And,
I pray thee now, tell me for
which of my
bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE
For them all
together; which maintained so politic
a state of
evil that they will not admit any good
part to
intermingle with them. But for which of my
good parts did
you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK
Suffer love! a
good epithet! I do suffer love
indeed, for I
love thee against my will.
BEATRICE
In spite of
your heart, I think; alas, poor heart!
If you spite
it for my sake, I will spite it for
yours; for I
will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK
Thou and I are
too wise to woo peaceably.
But tell me,
how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE
Very ill.
BENEDICK
And how do
you?
BEATRICE
Very ill too.
BENEDICK
Serve God,
love me and mend. There will I leave
you too, for
here comes one in haste.
URSULA
Madam, you
must come to your uncle. Yonder’s old
coil at home:
it is proved my Lady Hero hath been
falsely
accused, the prince and Claudio mightily
abused; and
Donna Joanna is the author of all, who is
fled and gone.
Will you come presently?
BEATRICE
Will you go
hear this news, signior?
BENEDICK
I will live in
thy heart, die in thy lap, and be
buried in thy
eyes; and moreover I will go with
thee to thy
uncle’s.
ACT V. SCENE III. A church.
CLAUDIO
Is this the
monument?
ABBESS FRANCIS
It is, my
lord.
CLAUDIO
(Reading from
a scroll)
Done to death
by slanderous tongues
Was the Hero
that here lies:
Death, in
guerdon of her wrongs,
Gives her fame
which never dies.
So the life
that died with shame
Lives in death
with glorious fame.
Hang thou
there upon the tomb,
Praising her
when I am dumb.
Now, music,
sound, and sing your solemn hymn.
DON PEDRO
(Song)
Pardon, goddess of the night,
Those that
slew thy virgin knight;
For the which,
with songs of woe,
Round about
her tomb they go.
Midnight, assist our moan;
Help us to
sigh and groan,
Heavily,
heavily:
Graves, yawn and yield your dead,
Till death be uttered,
Heavily,
heavily.
CLAUDIO
Now, unto thy
bones good night!
Yearly will I
do this rite.
DON PEDRO
Good morrow,
masters; put your torches out:
The wolves
have prey’d; and look, the gentle day,
Before the
wheels of Phoebus, round about
Dapples the
drowsy east with spots of grey.
Come, let us
hence, and put on other weeds;
And then to
Leonato’s we will go.
ACT V. SCENE IV. LEONATO’S House.
ABBESS FRANCIS
Did I not tell
you she was innocent?
LEONATO
So are the
prince and Claudio, who accused her
Upon the error
that you heard debated:
But Margaret
was in some fault for this,
Although
against her will, as it appears
In the true
course of all the question.
Well, I am
glad that all things sort so well,
being else by
faith enforced
To call young
Claudio to a reckoning for it.
LEONATO
Well,
daughter, and you gentle-women all,
Withdraw into
a chamber by yourselves,
And when I
send for you, come hither mask’d.
The prince and
Claudio promised by this hour
To visit me. I
must be father to my brother’s daughter
And give her
to young Claudio.
BENEDICK
Abbess, I must
entreat your pains, I think.
ABBESS FRANCIS
To do what,
signior?
BENEDICK
To bind me, or
undo me; one of them.
Signior
Leonato, truth it is, good signior,
Your niece
regards me with an eye of favour.
LEONATO
That eye my
daughter lent her: ‘tis most true.
BENEDICK
And I do with
an eye of love requite her.
LEONATO
The sight whereof
I think you had from me,
From Claudio
and the prince: but what’s your will?
BENEDICK
Your answer,
sir, is enigmatical:
But, for my
will, my will is your good will
May stand with
ours, this day to be conjoin’d
In the state
of honourable marriage:
In which, good
Abbess, I shall desire your help.
LEONATO
My heart is
with your liking.
ABBESS FRANCIS
And my help.
Here comes the
prince and Claudio.
DON PEDRO
Good morrow to
this fair assembly.
LEONATO
Good morrow,
prince; good morrow, Claudio:
We here attend
you. Are you yet determined
To-day to
marry with my brother’s daughter?
CLAUDIO
I’ll hold my
mind, were she an Ethiope.
LEONATO
I’ll call her
forth; here’s the Abbess ready.
DON PEDRO
Good morrow,
Benedick. Why, what’s the matter,
That you have
such a February face,
So full of
frost, of storm and cloudiness?
CLAUDIO
Which is the
lady I must seize upon?
LEONATO
This same is
she, and I may give you her.
CLAUDIO
Why, then
she’s mine. Sweet, let me see your face.
LEONATO
No, that you
shall not, till you take her hand
Before this
Abbess and swear to marry her.
CLAUDIO
Give me your
hand: before this holy Abbess,
I am your
husband, if you like of me.
HERO
And when I
lived, I was your other wife
(Unmasking)
And when you
loved, you were my other husband.
CLAUDIO
Another Hero!
HERO
Nothing
certainer:
One Hero died
defiled, but I do live,
And surely as
I live, I am a maid.
DON PEDRO
The former
Hero! Hero that is dead!
LEONATO
She died, my
lord, but whiles her slander lived.
ABBESS FRANCIS
All this
amazement can I qualify:
When after
that the holy rites are ended,
I’ll tell you
largely of fair Hero’s death:
Meantime let
wonder seem familiar,
And to the
chapel let us presently.
BENEDICK
Soft and fair,
Abbess. Which is Beatrice?
BEATRICE
(Unmasking) I
answer to that name. What is your will?
BENEDICK
Do not you
love me?
BEATRICE
Why, no; no
more than reason.
BENEDICK
Why, then your
uncle and the prince and Claudio
Have been
deceived; they swore you did.
BEATRICE
Do not you
love me?
BENEDICK
Troth, no; no
more than reason.
BEATRICE
Why, then my
cousin, Margaret and Ursula
Are much
deceived; for they did swear you did.
BENEDICK
They swore
that you were almost sick for me.
BEATRICE
They swore
that you were well-nigh dead for me.
BENEDICK
‘Tis no such
matter. Then you do not love me?
BEATRICE
No, truly, but
in friendly recompense.
LEONATO
Come, cousin,
I am sure you love the gentleman.
CLAUDIO
And I’ll be
sworn upon’t that he loves her;
For here’s a
paper written in his hand,
A halting
sonnet of his own pure brain,
Fashion’d to
Beatrice.
HERO
And here’s
another
Writ in my
cousin’s hand, stolen from her pocket,
Containing her
affection unto Benedick.
BENEDICK
A miracle!
here’s our own hands against our hearts.
Come, I will
have thee; but, by this light, I take
thee for pity.
BEATRICE
I would not
deny you; but, by this good day, I yield
upon great
persuasion; and partly to save your life,
for I was told
you were in a consumption.
BENEDICK
Peace! I will
stop your mouth.
(Kissing her)
DON PEDRO
How dost thou,
Benedick, the married man?
BENEDICK
I’ll tell thee
what, prince; a college of
wit-crackers
cannot flout me out of my humour. Dost
thou think I
care for a satire or an epigram? No:
if a man will
be beaten with brains, a’ shall wear
nothing
handsome about him. In brief, since I do
purpose to
marry, I will think nothing to any
purpose that
the world can say against it; and
therefore
never flout at me for what I have said
against it;
for man is a giddy thing, and this is my
conclusion.
For thy part, Claudio, I did think to
have beaten
thee, but in that thou art like to be my
kinsman, live
unbruised and love my cousin.
Come, come, we
are friends: let’s have a dance ere
we are
married, that we may lighten our own hearts
and our wives’
heels.
LEONATO
We’ll have
dancing afterward.
BENEDICK
First, of my
word; therefore play, music. Prince,
thou art sad;
get thee a wife, get thee a wife:
there is no
staff more reverend than one tipped with horn.
DON PEDRO
Benedict, my
sister Joanna is ta’en in flight,
She must be
brought with armed men back to Messina.
BENEDICK
Think not on
her till to-morrow:
I’ll devise
brave punishments for her.
Strike up,
players.
(Music, Dance)
(Curtain Call)